Release
by Amanda Marie Johnson
Summary: He gave up his life to save the world. He died for her, but now he's back. Will they have what they never got to have? BtVS and AtS crossover. Slight spoilers for Angel Season five
1. The aftermath

England ~ Thirty days after Chosen  
  
The sun was high and the sun was blue. Buffy sat in the middle of the big yard in the grass. Her heart felt like stone. Not because she had closed it, but because she had lost him. He was gone. She left him to die and he did. Suddenly she heard footsteps.  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn asked, but Buffy didn't answer. "A-are you okay?"  
  
"I don't know" Buffy said. She fiddled with the blades of grass.  
  
"It's okay to hurt" Dawn said, sitting down also.  
  
"Is it? What's the point? I shouldn't be surprised, every man I've ever cared about left, Angel, Scott, Parker, Riley. . ." Buffy said.  
  
"And now Spike" Dawn said. "D-did you, love him?"  
  
"What does it matter?" Buffy asked rhetorically. "Nothing matters anymore, I'm, I'm supposed to be happy, I-I finished my destiny, it's fulfilled, so why aren't I?"  
  
"Do you miss Spike?" Dawn asked.  
  
"You have no idea" Buffy said tearfully. "It's strange, I-I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love with him, I told myself I wasn't, but he just. . .touches me in a way no one could, not even Angel, I mean Angel was the love of my life, how can I love them both?"  
  
"I guess you're heart, once it finds love, no matter how much it has stored, it makes room for more, Buffy, Spike gave up his life to save the world, he died for a good cause" Dawn said.  
  
"Yeah, I guess we have something in common after all huh? You know he used to tell me that, you know that we had something in common, the darkness, the shadows, the death, and he was right, we were both creatures of the darkness, and it didn't matter what side we were fighting on, we've always had that connection, always, and I tried to make it go away, tried to not see it, but even I'm not that sightless, I know, I always did" she said, not looking at Dawn.  
  
"Come inside Buffy, it's getting cold" Dawn said. "I'll make you some soup, come nice hot soup, with crackers." Dawn smiled sweetly at her big sister and Buffy looked up at her.  
  
"Okay" she smiled back and got up and Dawn took her hand and led her back into the big house. Since Sunnydale was destroyed Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Xander, Faith, Andrew and Kennedy moved to England with Giles. They entered the house and Buffy sat at the kitchen table and Dawn went to the cabinet and got out some soup and poured it in a pan and turned on the stove.  
  
"Hey B" Faith said, coming into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey" Buffy said quietly.  
  
"What's up, why the sour puss?" Faith asked.  
  
"She misses Spike" Dawn informed her.  
  
"I'm okay, I just. . ." Buffy said, but thankfully Willow came into the kitchen with Kennedy.  
  
"Hey guys, we're going for a walk, want to come with?" Willow asked.  
  
"Uh, no thanks Will, I'm looking to get really drunk" Faith said.  
  
"Dawnie, Buff?" Willow asked.  
  
"Um, yeah, but I was making soup for-" Dawn began.  
  
"No, it's okay, you go, have a good time, I'll be okay" Buffy said.  
  
"A-are you sure?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Muchly" Buffy said. Dawn hugged her.  
  
"Be back in a bit" Kennedy said and they left. Faith left also. Buffy turned off the stove and went up to her room and laid down. She was just too tired to think, or doing anything.  
  
*Buffy's flashback*  
  
Spike: I can feel it Buffy  
  
Buffy: What?  
  
Spike: My soul, it's really there  
  
*End*  
  
Buffy shook the thoughts out of her head but they kept flooding back.  
  
*Another flashback*  
  
Spike: Got to move lamb, fair to say school's out for bloody summer  
  
Buffy: Spike!  
  
Spike: I mean it, I got to do this (hold out his hand to stop her and she takes it and they flame together)  
  
Buffy: I love you  
  
Spike: No you don't, but thanks for saying it  
  
*End*  
  
Buffy shook the thoughts away once more. She could feel the tears starting to come and couldn't go there again. She spent most of her first couple of days in England crying. She didn't want to do it again. She walked back downstairs into the living room to find Xander.  
  
"Hey Xand" Buffy said, trying to sound cheerful. She wasn't the only one with pain around here. Since Anya died he's been in just as much grief as her, maybe more.  
  
"Hey" he said.  
  
"How ya feeling?" she asked, sitting down with him.  
  
"I'm honestly not sure" he said, switching the TV channel.  
  
"I know how you feel" she offered, he looked at her.  
  
"Really, I can't see how, I mean I lost the love of my life, you lost a vampire who should have been put down years ago" he said coldly. She glared at him, now angry.  
  
"You know Anya wasn't exactly little miss Angel either, Spike had no choice but to be a monster, Anya did, she chose it" she said just as cold.  
  
"Yeah, right, and she changed" Xander said.  
  
"So did Spike! He died to save the world, do you even remember that!" Buffy shouted.  
  
"It's different, I loved Anya, you just miss Spike because you miss getting off and getting away with it" he said harshly. She looked at him, tears starting to form and got up and walked away. He looked on after her and his face expression changed from angry to regret for saying that to her. She was one of his best friends, how could he be so insensitive?  
  
Buffy walked up to her room and slammed the door. She flopped on her bed and began to cry, just for a second. Then she got up and packed some stuff. She was going to L.A. to see Angel. She wanted to know what the hell that amulet was. She had talked to him about sixteen days ago, but she didn't ask him about it. She was in too much pain. She got her suitcase and went downstairs.  
  
"Where are you going?" Xander asked, following her to the kitchen. She got out a piece of paper and a pen and began to write.  
  
"L.A." was all she said.  
  
"Look Buff, I'm sorry, I'm just upset, I never meant to-" he began.  
  
'Forget it" she said, still not looking at him. She finished the note and put it on the fridge.  
  
"Why are you going to L.A., to see Angel?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, I need some answers" she said and began to walk away again.  
  
"Buff" he said and grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt your feelings."  
  
"It's okay, I know you're grieving" she said.  
  
"And I know you are, you're going about Spike aren't you?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, look just make sure that the others see that note okay, I have to go" she said and hugged him and then left.  
  
Los Angeles ~ Same time period  
  
"Spike if you don't stop that I'm going to-" Angel began.  
  
"What? You're going to what?" Spike said arrogantly.  
  
"Well this for one thing" Angel said and punched Spike in the nose.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell!" he shouted and held his nose, Angel smiled.  
  
"You're corporeal now so. . .it's a lot more fun this way" he said, still smirking. Spike hit him back, soon they were in a fight.  
  
"Uh, guys? Guys!" Fred said, stopping them.  
  
"Hey Fred, what's the what?" Angel asked, still holding Spike in a headlock.  
  
"We have work to do" confirmed.  
  
"Right" Angel said and let go of Spike. "What work?"  
  
"We still have to figure out why this amulet was keeping Spike here, why it still is even though he's corporeal" Fred said.  
  
"Yeah, right, lets do that, 'cause the sooner Spike leaves the happier I'll be" Angel said.  
  
"The happier we'll both be mate, do you think I like this, staying here, at least when I was a ghost I could haunt you and you couldn't do anything, if I'm corporeal, I want to see Buffy, be with her" Spike said.  
  
"Okay, uh, come with me" Fred said and Spike followed her to her lab.  
  
"You're not going to like cut me open are you, 'cause got to tell you lamb, I'm not too keen on that" Spike said.  
  
"No, don't worry" Fred said and hooked him up to some monitors.  
  
"What are these then?" he asked.  
  
"Um, well I'm testing you and Angel, seeing if there's something in common, you know two vampires, both with souls, and then I'm also testing the amulet" Fred said.  
  
"Okay, do it" Spike told her. She turned on the machines and began the research.  
  
Angel was sitting in his office thinking. He also wanted to know why Spike couldn't leave L.A. Suddenly Harmony came into his office.  
  
"Uh boss?" she said.  
  
"What is it?" Angel asked.  
  
"Um there's someone here to see you" Harmony told him.  
  
"Later Harmony, I'm thinking" Angel said.  
  
"But I think you'd be interested to know who it is" Harmony said.  
  
"Who?" Angel said, getting annoyed. Harmony stepped aside and Buffy walked into his office. "Buffy."  
  
"Hey" Buffy said.  
  
"Okay well I'll leave you two alone" Harmony said and left.  
  
"Nice place you got here, Harmony's your secretary?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah, not by choice, what are you doing here?" he asked.  
  
"I'm happy to see you too" she said sarcastically.  
  
"I am. . .I'm just confused" Angel said.  
  
"I need some answers" Buffy told him, coming closer and sitting down.  
  
"Okay, about what?" Angel asked.  
  
"You know what about" Buffy said.  
  
"Spike" Angel said.  
  
"Yeah, what was the amulet?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Buffy look-" Angel began.  
  
"No, I want to know, why did it burn him? Why did it kill him?"  
  
"Buffy-" he tried again.  
  
"I mean it Angel" Buffy prodded.  
  
"Okay" he said. "I didn't know. . .I didn't know that it would. . .I was given the amulet and I came to you, I told you I didn't know" Angel said.  
  
"It killed him" she whispered.  
  
"Yeah, I know, look there's something you need to know, I-" he started, but a ruckus interrupted them again. "What the hell?" he got up and walked outside. Buffy got up as well and walked out of Angel's office and stated to walk around. This place was different. She had never been here before. She walked around looking at everything. The elevator was open so she got in and walked it went up. She got out and walked into a room. It was dark and the bed was not made. She waked into the bathroom.  
  
After Fred was done with Spike he went into his room. Since he couldn't leave they had given him a room. He took off his shirt and was about to lay down but he heard a noise from the bathroom and picked up a bat and went into the bathroom.  
  
"Who's there?" he asked. Someone was standing there, but he didn't see their face because the door was blocking. "Hey mate, whoever you are you better-" the door swung shut and he couldn't believe his eyes.  
  
"Oh my god. . .Spike?" Buffy said astonished. She couldn't believe that he was standing there right in front of her. 


	2. Dreams do come true

SO. . .DID YOU LIKE THE FIRST CHAPTER? WELL THIS IS THE FIRST CROSSOVER I'VE DONE. I HOPE YOU LIKED IT.  
  
Buffy stared at the man standing before her.  
  
"Are you real?" she asked.  
  
"Very real luv" he told her. He took a step towards her and she backed away. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I just. . .I can't. . .I mean, how?" she asked.  
  
"Not sure myself pet, Angel and his quirky, detective team are working it out" Spike told her.  
  
"I can't believe it" she whispered.  
  
"Believe it" he whispered and walked over to her. "I'm not asking you for anything. . .I just want to hold you." She leaned into him and shut her eyes.  
  
"Oh" she sighed. She hugged him tightly. "I thought you were dead."  
  
"Can't get rid of me that easily goldilocks" he told her. She looked at him and then kissed him lightly on the lips. "You have no idea, how much I missed you."  
  
"Ditto" she smiled and hugged him again. She couldn't believe he was here, standing right in front of her. "This better not be a dream."  
  
"No dream pet, believe me, I can't get out of here, I'm stuck" he said.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked, now backing up a bit.  
  
"Whatever that amulet was, it's keeping me here" Spike said.  
  
"Angel was meant to wear it, does that mean that whoever gave it to him wanted to keep him here?" she asked.  
  
"Guess so" he said and went over to his bed and sat down. She followed him and also sat down. She turned to face him and sat Indian style on the bed.  
  
"How have you been?" she asked.  
  
"Okay, getting incinerated not really something I want to experience again, but I'm okay" he said.  
  
"I'm so sorry" she said. He looked at her surprised.  
  
"For what luv?" he asked.  
  
"I shouldn't have gone, I should have stayed with you, o-or made you come with me" Buffy said.  
  
"No, hey, it wasn't your fault okay, it wasn't. . .did you mean it?" he asked.  
  
"Mean what?" she asked him.  
  
"Before you left, you told me you loved me, did you mean it?" he asked.  
  
"Of course I did, you were the one who told me I didn't remember" she said, getting up and walking a few steps away from him.  
  
"I had to. . .I didn't want you to die, believe me it killed me to say that to you, to not say it back, I wanted to, so much" he said and came up behind her and put his hands around her waist. "I'm sorry." She turned and faced him.  
  
"Me too" she said and kissed him, this time more passionately. Her arms found their way around his neck. Suddenly Angel walked in.  
  
"Spike have you seen-" he began and then saw them together and she broke the kiss.  
  
"Angel" she said.  
  
"I guess you have" he said, turning away. She let go of Spike's neck and backed away a bit.  
  
"Uh, w-what are you doing here?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Looking for you, thought you might have gotten lost or something" Angel said.  
  
"Oh, well, I did, but I stumbled here, good thing too" Buffy said.  
  
"Uh, Spike, Fred's looking for you, she wants to run a few more tests before the day's over" Angel said.  
  
"Right, be back in a bit luv" Spike said and left the room.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me he was alive Angel?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I tried, I got distracted" Angel said.  
  
"This is important, how could you not-"  
  
"I'm sorry Buff, okay, I'm sorry" Angel said.  
  
"How's he doing?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Why don't you ask him" Angel said.  
  
"Angel-" Buffy began again.  
  
"Look, it's complicated, I'm not even sure how it happened, but we're working on it, I don't know what else to tell you" Angel said annoyed.  
  
"I just wish you would of told me" she said.  
  
"Well it caught us all of guard, none of expected Spike to appear, he's connected to the amulet somehow, which means that. . ."  
  
"That Wolfram and Hart had bigger plans for you than they were verbalizing" Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah, which would explain why they gave up their whole L.A. office to an ensouled vampire when they stand solely for evil" Angel said.  
  
"So, Spike's stuck here, which means that Wolfram and Hart wanted to keep you hostage" Buffy said.  
  
"Or they knew that you would make me go home and give the amulet to Spike" Angel suggested.  
  
"How far are you to figuring it out?" she asked.  
  
"Uh, well Fred is the closest, she's been doing tests on both Spike and the amulet, you'd have to ask her" Angel said.  
  
"Where is she?" Buffy asked.  
  
"This way" Angel said and she followed him to her lab. "Fred, you remember Buffy right?"  
  
"Sure, hey" Fred said.  
  
"Hi, um so. . ." Buffy said.  
  
"Uh, Buffy has some questions, about Spike and the amulet" Angel said.  
  
"O-okay, shoot" Fred said.  
  
"Uh, I have to go, she'll answer anything you need to know" Angel said and left.  
  
"Is he. . .okay?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Spike or Angel?" Fred asked.  
  
"Both actually" Buffy said.  
  
"Well Angel's. . .well Angel, he'll be okay, and Spike's-"  
  
"Spike?" Buffy offered.  
  
"You know him better than I do" Fred said.  
  
"Yeah, if I know Spike. . .he'll be okay" Buffy said. "How much do you know, you know about the amulet?"  
  
"Unfortunately not much, Wolfram and Hart are very secretive, and sneaky, and deceiving, and unrepresentative, the list goes on, but you get the picture" Fred said.  
  
"Can they hurt him? I mean they have possession or whatever over him, can they hurt him?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Well, I guess they could, but they haven't yet" Fred said.  
  
"Yet being the operative word" Buffy said. "It's just. . .it's Spike, I've gotten so used to him being around that. . .it just seems like I'm empty without him, he's so. . .he changed, for me. . .he got a soul for me, everything he did, he did it for me. . .and I was too stubborn, or stupid, or whatever, to see it."  
  
"Did you want to see it?" Fred asked.  
  
"No, I told myself that it wasn't worth it to fall for another vampire, someone who wasn't alive, that it wouldn't work and I'd be left out in the cold once again, and it just. . .caused him to be, and yet he never left my side, every time I needed him, he was there, I had to have shown and said every hatred remark there was, and the worst thing he ever said to me. . .was I love you" Buffy said.  
  
"You didn't want to get hurt, you can't blame yourself for that" Fred said.  
  
"Maybe, doesn't mean I won't" Buffy said, and then changed the subject. "So, how have you been? You can Gunn still making with the smoochies?"  
  
"Uh, no, we sort of. . .broke up last year, we're. . .I guess trying to ease back into things" Fred said.  
  
"What about Cordelia? How is she?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Um. . .Cordy's. . .she's in a coma" Fred said.  
  
"Oh. . .oh god" Buffy said. "C-can I see her? What hospital is she in?"  
  
"Uh, n-no hospital, we're taking care of her here, u-um. . .Lorne, Lorne come here" Fred said.  
  
"Hey princess, what's the what?" Lorne asked.  
  
"Can you take Buffy to see Cordelia?" Fred asked.  
  
"Sure, hey Buffy, long time no see" Lorne said.  
  
"Yeah, nice to see you again" Buffy said sweetly.  
  
"You too precious, this way" Lorne said and led Buffy to Cordelia's room.  
  
"How did this happen?" Buffy asked, going over to Cordelia's bed.  
  
"Well, it's a long story sweet pea, maybe you'd like to hear it from Angel instead, I'll leave you alone" Lorne said and left and shut the door.  
  
"H-hi Cordy, um, it's Buffy, you know I never imagined that something like this could happen to you" Buffy said and sat next to Cordelia's bed. Since they moved into Wolfram and Hart Cordelia had been hooked up to monitors and an IV so that she didn't die. She was pretty much breathing on her own, for the most part.  
  
"Buffy" Buffy heard Angel say and turned around.  
  
"Hey" Buffy said. "What happened?" she asked, turning back to Cordelia.  
  
"Long story" Angel said and came and sat on the other side of Cordelia's bed.  
  
"Everyone keeps saying that, but no one will tell me what happened, what happened?" Buffy asked again.  
  
"It was about two months ago. Cordelia and Connor-" Angel began.  
  
"Your son" Buffy stated.  
  
"Yeah, they thought the world was ending so they. . .uh, you know" Angel said.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Slept together" Angel told her.  
  
"Oh, what, I thought that Connor was like a baby" Buffy said confused.  
  
"Yeah well he was, he was kidnapped by this guy named Holtz and taken to some demon dimension. Holtz changed Connor's name to Steven and raised him. While on earth it was only about a month, when Connor came back he was grown, time moves more quickly in that place I guess. Well we had lots of fights, Connor didn't believe he was my son, or he did, but he thought I was evil and should be killed. He thought I killed Holtz so he got help, kidnapped me and put me in a box and put the box on the bottom of the ocean for a couple weeks. Wesley, who kidnapped Connor, he kidnapped him because he thought I was going to kill him, he read this fake prophecy that said something like the father will kill his son or something, anyway, he wanted to keep him safe and almost died from it. Anyway Wesley saved me and then I finally convinced Connor that I didn't kill Holtz and I wasn't evil and we started to get along. Then came badness. This thing called the beast came and the gang took away my soul so I could fight it" Angel said.  
  
"That's why Faith was here, that's why Willow came" Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah, Faith and I did a little mind game thing and finally I got my soul back, only to find out that Cordelia was pregnant" Angel said.  
  
"Cordy was pregnant?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah well it wouldn't be the first time" Angel said. "She wasn't really pregnant, well she kinda was, but she was harboring this hell beastie or something, Connor thought that Cordelia was pregnant with his child, Cordelia was possessed by the demon inside her and tired to convince Connor that I was bad and needed to be killed. After the beast thing came out of her she went into a coma. The thing was that we worshiped the thing, she had all of Los Angeles under this spell that made us think that she was a saint and the savior of everything possible. One by one we started to realize just how much of a liar she was. The first one was Fred, see if her blood touches you, then you're cured and Fred was washing Jasmine's- that's what we called her. She was washing Jasmine's shirt, and it had blood on it, see in order to be cured you not only have to touch her blood, but it has to mix with yours. After Fred found out she tired to tell us, but we wouldn't listen, so she made us, first me, and then everyone else followed, except for Connor. Finally we was convinced and killed Jasmine. After that I erased his memory, made him forget about me and everyone else here, gave him to a family that would be able to take care of him, let him have a normal life, since his childhood was taken from him" Angel said.  
  
"Wow, you had a pretty tough year" Buffy said.  
  
"You too, so I hear" Angel said, Buffy smiled at him. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay, it's just that. . .after Spike. . .after he. . .I was just, I was devastated" Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah" Angel said. "You go, spend some time with him."  
  
"You sure you don't mind?" Buffy asked.  
  
"That talk we had, before I left, the talk about you not being done baking and how sometimes you do think that far ahead, people change Buffy, I know that now, even if don't want to, even if I want to go on thinking that we're going to end up together, I know that we've both grown apart, you can't go on pretending you're the same person you were seven years ago just because you're afraid of hurting people" angel said. Buffy smiled at him and went to find Spike.  
  
**********************  
  
Back at England Willow, Kennedy and Dawn were getting back form their walk, Giles was getting back from wherever it was he was at, Faith was getting back from the bar, and Principal Wood was coming back from a training session.  
  
"Yeah, that was great" Willow laughed with Dawn and Kennedy.  
  
"Hey Xand" Dawn said.  
  
"Hey" he said.  
  
"What's the matter?" Kennedy asked.  
  
"Uh, Buff and I got into a little spat over. . .she left, for L.A." Xander said.  
  
"What?" Dawn said.  
  
"Is she coming back?" Willow asked.  
  
"I think so, I'm not sure. She said to make sure you guys got that" Xander said.  
  
"Why'd she go?" Faith asked. "Because of the fight between you two?"  
  
"No, she went because of-" Xander began.  
  
"Because of Spike" Dawn said.  
  
"Yeah" Xander said.  
  
"Listen to this, 'Dear All, I'm going to L.A. to find out some answers. I need to know why the amulet killed Spike and what exactly it was. I'll be back. I don't know when, but I'm coming back. I love you, be safe, Buffy' wow" Willow said after reading the letter aloud.  
  
"I hope she gets what she wants" Kennedy said. "She deserves it." 


End file.
